tabs

i google

venlafaxine, clobazam

codeine splashed with fentanyl

if i can get

or use what i have

at hand crushed by my hands

or just street cocaine

with paracetamol

and alcohol

will it take

me where i need to be

to see you again

that hope you shared with me

when i was new to this

thing

that felt so warm

and safe

when you held my face

and kissed me like you

wondered what took me so long

to realize i missed you

to make me think you were just

standing there, amused and you laughed

and said something that sounded

like duh, im right here, you dummy

i misinterpreted

but i don't think that is the full

picture yet

it's complicated, i get it

but hearts don't lie

when they miss a beat, the body dies

so i feel what throbs

i ignore the splinters

and know that something led

me

to you

and now i can't find you

so i google how to forget someone

who is still alive

what will get me to you

if it's not a map

and there is no alternate route

to you

because it's through me

that i lived you

i'm here still

rewriting

goodbyes

that never got said

fighting the air

that got trapped between

the time then

and the space now

“there’s no dosage for what memory does.”