safely leave

i never intended pain

selfish narcissist, i am accused

just abused

mostly self

tired yelp

wired help

some kind of pleasant

peasant dream

hopping legs

internal scream

i am about to lose it all

but i hold the roar

it’s coming now

i can’t pass out now

i’m going to fucking rip this ocean apart

and then

nothing

i’ll disappear

i was never here

he drank too much

he did too little

he died too soon

oh what a baboon

wreck yourself

you were born too soon

nobody knew

you bit off more than you could chew

and shit

he forgot his notes

those he wrote to most

to say it wasn’t you

but it was

him

not god

not a ghost

a man i knew

who told me not to tell

i played the piano

so i wouldn’t scream

i stayed quiet

so i could stay safe

i stopped breathing

so i could be loved

it worked

he left

i stayed

and i’ve been trying to come back ever since

i can’t perform when i’m on them

so subdued

the solitude

man, i’m begging for attention again

i miss the hymn

that let me belong to something

that didn’t hurt me

that didn’t call it love

like a crowing crowd

stamping in

walking behind me in the forest gin

where i found safety in

until you made me leave

my safely leave

now i’m gone

forever

along the wind

that belongs to those i don’t know

they never show

so i join them