the static pops, leaves a crackle in my ear

whacked splitting piercing thunder

lightning

mood changes, palpable, now palatable

refined

you tame me, and

i am completely disabled, cut electricity

when

you found my override switch

and i’m tipitty-tapping on tiled

timid, domesticated

bleached tiled floors

break glass in case of emergency

i anticipated the axe or hammer

but you brought me a pen

feather

and subdued me

immediately

like you knew me

and cared, something

you always had a way with me

disarm me so easily

see me before i go nuclear

a finger, on my lips, shhhhh

it’s ok baby, you’d say

and I’d shiver

when you press pause

mute me

so beautifully

my eyes widen with surprise

a twitch, a glimpse

a reflection

of how much animal

beast

i managed and lost the leash

to the part

of me

that could tell the difference

between fear and violence

and my savagery

and yet you took me

with your hands

into your arms

looked me in the eyes

whispered

it’s ok, baby

and pressed my face

against your chest

without asking

permission

consenting

my submission

i see it so clearly now

my ring master

lion tamer

i went postal

when you stopped whipping

me

not abuse

not cage

you were tired

too tried

without a day off

from the circus

i sniffed the air

viral

believed i had control

of myself

how i felt

thinking something changed

in my space

and my age

i resource guard love like a rabid dog

drooling, frothing, spitting

growling, snapping, pissing against the walls

humping the furniture, chewing, tearing

stinking up the house

with my issues

you watch, with hollow eyes

a tear, or two

on the days

when you still had moisture left in you

asking why's i did not know how to answer

golden eyes i stare at you, threat and love in one glance

love you hate you i will protect you and i will hurt you

break you

until i die trying to exist as your beast

that was not a growl, a bitch, my mistress

that was whimper

i let loose, canine absolution

run into the bushes with hair raised and hell raising

stay away from me, i will fucking tear you

apart

tendon by tendon

these teeth are not joking, they're sharp and flossed with blood

i've tasted it in my own mouth, i bite myself

to test, that i work, worth, defending, fit enough for killing

i eat at this bowel wound raw, lick it with salt and caustic soda

tongue that it keeps me hard, ready for when the vultures come

they've been circling, i see them staring

nostrils flaring, calculating

my scent

weak now

ready to die

but i won't, yet

not now

and

not without a fight

i have claws, still, they're blunt

my eyes are milky with carnal rage and too many

inked nights, of margins and pages and glasses of whiskey

playing detective, civilian police, night watchman

i watch my fingers change, crack, break, snap, pop

it out of this misery

i am trying to be polite

let me be human tonight

let go of the choke

hold,

don’t try to hold me now

fuck it i can't help it, now

hyde is out, i swore i'd kill myself before

you had to see me like this, hide, run

baby please

run

away from me

i can't keep jekyll

alive

anymore

fuck that

i will find a way

but this means, you will never let me stay

and now, i have to, to protect you, and the memory of me

i'm going to kill this motherfucker, he is bigger than me

and my desperation makes my teeth sharper

my jaw harsher,

my eyes, zoned in, ears blurring out your screaming

at me

begging me to stop

to leave him be

stop hurting him

but i’m zeroed in

dialling

i’m fucking killing him

i can't stop

i won’t stop

until i’m all that is left of me

i'm heckled, speckled

blood lust now

tearing at his liver

going for the jugular

triggered by the fire

that burned branding me

that is my

duality

your puppy

now consider

baby

putting me down

before i hurt

someone

something

else

and destroy

the meaning

and purpose

of the creature

within

what i was

and who i have become

now